10. There's potpourri hanging from his/her collar.
9. The dog's nails have been cut with pinking shears.
8. The dog’s toys are all stored in McCoy crocks.
7. The pooper scooper has been decorated with raffia.
6. The telltale lemon slice in the new silver water bowl.
5. You find liver and whole-wheat dog treats stamped out with copper cookie cutters and decorated with royal icing using a #2 rosette tip.
4. Dog hair has been collected and put into wire basket for nesting material for the birds.
3. A seasonally appropriate grapevine wreathe adorns the front of your dog's crate.
2. Your dog goes outside naked and comes in wearing a thyme-colored virgin wool hand knitted sweater with matching boots.
And the number one way you now Martha is stalking your dog:
1. The dog droppings in your backyard have been sculpted into swans.